Bonum FIRST DRAFT NOT COMPLETE
by FictionRiot
Summary: From the depths of the Earth, two Underworlders explore their previous lives by discovering parts and pieces of memorabilia and going to overworld locations. Written By Anubis and Thoth. THIS IS NOT THE FINISHED AND WILL BE CONSTANTLY CHANGED AND MOLDED TO BECOME A BETTER STORY. WE WILL MARK IT AS FINISHED WHEN IT IS READY.
1. Chapter 1 - You are fucking insane

"Boaz we need you upstairs now, there is a loitering Mouther on the third floor." Boaz sighed. He loved his friends but Christ almighty this one would not leave him alone. "Coming right up sir, I will let you know when I have escorted him out sir." Boaz reattached his radio back to his belt and continued towards the elevator at the end of the Almost Infinite Hall. Boaz was a mall cop, content with being one until his friend Toljak moved in with him. Or at least just started taking all his money. And now he was probably hanging from the roof of the third floor of Sunset Mall. Sunset was a nice mall, even though there were rarely any people there. The floors were carpet, which was a nice. The elevators were loud, but everyone was used to it. Especially the unfortunate fellows that live near level eight of the Underworld. Man the screaming never ended in level nine. On the elevator ride up, Boaz thought of his life before this afterlife. He thought that this was better than just sitting around as a ghost, plus, it was no different from life on the surface. Although he couldn't really remember his life. It was all but erased after he died. He could only remember life changing events. He didn't know why they did that when you became a resident of the Underworld. He had no idea why he was thinking of that, but whatever the reason, it didn't matter to the damn elevator. The bell sounded and the doors opened. The first thing Boaz saw was the gleeful face of Toljak's mouth directly outside of the elevator.

"What the fuck, are you doing here. Again"

Toljak dropped from the ceiling and slithered around Boaz as he stepped out of the elevator. "Hey man, you got twenty bucks?" His mouth was the only feature on Toljak's face, all teeth. Boaz thought it was quite charming actually. He was a light grey color and covered in fur, which was fairly normal, as most people in the "A" Sectors were of animal origin. Boaz seemed to be based on a coyote, but nothing could really prove that besides Jesus. And it was highly unlikely anyone would really consult him about frivolous crap like the body of a man. Although he was pretty fuzzy. The top half of a buffalo skull that Boaz seemed to wear on his head was in fact a part of him. His eyes lay on the outside, as if the Buffalo was just missing some skin or some shit.

"No, Toljak, I don't have twenty dollars. You have to leave now." He made full eye contact with Toljak, who could see Boaz's white pupils narrowing, revealing the black sclera that surrounded it. To be honest, it did kind of spook Toljak.

"I have to give you this as well." Boaz handed his friend a container of yellow ooze. "I am not sure what it is but it is a drug test."

"It smells horrid."

Boaz shrugged. "You smell horrid."

Toljak snatched the vial out of Boaz's hand and popped the lid. He looked quizzically at Boaz and tipped the slimy contents into his mouth.

"I lied I just wanted to make you suffer." Boaz wiped his nose, "It's fart putty."

Toljak pretended to gag and put his hands behind his back. "Oh no officer don't arrest me."

"What?"

Then without warning Toljak dashed towards Boaz and past him en route to the stairs. Boaz hesitated before chasing after him. "Fuck this man." he muttered to himself as he dashed down the stairs toward his AWOL friend. He reached the second floor and heard Toljak yelling something supposedly directed at him. "What!?" Boaz replied before realizing that Toljak was most likely not even listening to a fucking word he had to say. By the time Boaz had burst through the first floor door, Toljak was standing smugly by the main office.

"I signed you out of work today. You're leavin' six hours early my friend."  
"Oh fuck me."

"No thanks. Anyways, we're heading over to Housing Block 6; you know, the one with all the gangsters?"

"Why are we going there, then? It's kind of a dangerous neighborhood…"

"Well, you see, I'm bored, and I want to stir up a little trouble. So I decided to go over there, and owe the gangsters some money. In my line of work, you tend to get more money if you owe people money, especially gangsters."

Boaz was surprised. "You have a job now? What do you do?"

"Well, you know freelance artists? It's like that, only with 'load' instead of 'lance'"

Boaz's expression changed from hope to cold anger.

"I'll take your silence as agreement, and we'll be on our way!" Before Boaz could react, Toljak had taken his hand and was dashing the 14 miles to the housing block; the pair arrived in 6 seconds.

The two stopped moving in front of a broken, old house. A large man was standing outside holding a bat and a hose, as he was watering the lawn. Toljak walked up to the first person he saw, the person was huge and scaly, emitting an odor only described as sulfur. His scales were a dark green and his legs and feet were small in comparison. Even though it was clear he fit in no shoes or pants. He did wear a leather jacket and was smoking a cigar. Toljak struck up a conversation. "Hey there, my name's Toljak. My friends call me Jak. Well, not really, but I wish they did. You can call me Toljak. The reason I'm here is that I want to owe you money. It would really help me out of a couple jams."

The gangster looked confused, and slightly annoyed. "You want to borrow money from me?" His voice was gurgly and bassy.

Toljak pretended to be offended, "Oh, I could never take your money. You see, I just want to owe you money. It gives me the credibility in case someone ever questions whether I really owe gangsters money. Now what that means for you, is that you keep your money, and every once in a while, show up at my house and break a few things."

Boaz chimed in, "I own everything in our apartment, though…"

Toljak put a finger up to Boaz's skull, "Hey, be cool. This oaf is too stupid to care anyways."

"I swear to god if you get me killed..."

The gangster understood this, at least. He cracked his knuckles, brought out a fancy looking pair of spiked gloves, and started to say something. The start of a word had barely left his mouth when Toljak piped up in the worst imitation of the gangster he could have possibly done, "Imma gonna teach yous a less-" He was cut off by the near slitting of Toljaks throat as he pulled the, in comparison, dinky demon up by his scruff. "These claws can kill you like that pipsqueak." He snapped his claws on his other hand. Boaz accidentally looked the gangster in the eye before swiftly glancing back down to his feet, and then looking back up a Toljak. "Look," he said gingerly, "I'm sure we can clear this up. My friend's just little quirky thats all. So if you could just put him down."

"Oh I'll put him down alright." The gangster said before launching Toljak through the window across the street and into a tree. Boaz looked behind him and looked back at the giant. He remembered he had a taser on his belt, but before he could do anything, the beast's claws appeared in his own neck.

"Boy, that guy was a real jerk. He did have a cool baseball bat, though," Toljak was suddenly holding a baseball bat, and the house the gangster had come out of was starting to emit smoke, "And a very flammable house. Hey, these houses are all connected. With a little luck, this whole block will burn down."

Boaz was too shocked to respond. "Hey, relax, the lighter I dropped in there had a fake name on it. We're fine," Toljak reassured his friend. He then slipped a lighter to Boaz.

"You are fucking insane." Boaz responded, exasperated.

Taking the baseball bat in his hands, Toljak started to wander to the other houses on the block, knocking on their doors and screaming that he just started a fire that might very well kill them all, if he didn't first.

"I swear to fucking god man. If you don't stop right now I am done being friends with you!" But Toljak wasn't listening. He was murdering. Bodies littered the streets, the poor were screaming for help, and one police siren was going off. Boaz ran after his friend in an effort to make it stop. As Toljak came into Boaz's view, he could see that Toljak's baseball bat was bloodied. Police sirens got louder, and in fear, Toljak threw the bat to Boaz, who caught it with expert precision, and then dropped it.

"You are so fucked Jak. And I am not bailing you out this time."

Toljak bolted, and, as his friend left him in the dust again, Boaz thought he could hear a faint good luck. Boaz sighed and turned around, en route to maybe find a cab. But he could not. His hands were suddenly pulled behind him.

"You are under arrest by order of the court of god." He felt cold bracelets wrap around his wrists. "Anything you say can and will be held against you in federal court."

Boaz kept his mouth shut as he was forced into a police car.


	2. Chapter 2 -Prick

"You get one call hotshot. And don't even think about ordering any pizza."

Boaz pushed away the prison guard's phone away. "I don't need one thanks." The guard left, mumbling to himself. Boaz looked around at his surroundings. It had been three days since he entered the grey cell, and he was sure it was concrete. What with the cracks and bubbles in the walls and floor. And that was it, no bed no toilet, no sink, only the cell door. Which was a series of titanium bars, it seemed a bit familiar, except for the purple, furry mouth hanging out between the up.

"Toljak? How did you get in here?"

Toljak smirked at the confused skull and then bent over and barfed.

"Oh my god leave now please I don't want that shit here not now I dont even have a rag to clean up your barf here."

Toljak tried to speak between the chunks. "I" "Need" "Some" "Company"

"Fuck off with your vomiting ass."

Toljak stopped spewing what now seemed like blood almost immediately and started cackling.

"Thats not funny Jak."

"Shut up, look I can get you out of here. Where is your money."

Boaz sighed, contemplating whether he should tell Toljak where his money was, or just be left to rot in prison.

"Ehhhh. I could go either way."

"What."

"I could just stay here. I'd rather have a home then end up broke and without cable."

Toljak turned around and gave a judgemental glance to his jailed friend from the corner of his eye. "Asshole."

"Well excuse me I am not the one who has been living _rent free_ in my best friends house for a year!" Boaz's voice deepened and growled. "I AM NOT THE ONE WHO GOT MY QUOTE UNQUOTE FRIEND IN PRISON. SO FUCK OFF WITH YOUR BULLSHIT."

Toljak turned back around to look at his "friend". "I'm sorry. And...you're out. I claimed responsibility for what happened."

Boaz growled and crossed his arms. "Jackass."

"God, you're such a prick!"  
"Hmph!"

Toljak looked at the inside of his wrist. His fur was scratched off, as if from teeth, and underneath was skin as dark as a black hole. But there were things on his dark skin - red tallies counting up to ninety seven. Something in his mind told him that this was important, and every time something happened, seemingly at random, Toljak would scrape another tally mark into his skin. He never knew why. And he never knew what compelled him to look there in the first place.

"I don't believe you Toljak that's why I did that okay, I'm sorry."

"Boaz I am scared. The monsters wants me."

"Excuse me. This is not the goddamn time just please tell me that you've turned yourself in."

"I have please trust me."

A security guard walked into the hall and unlocked Boaz's cell. "I'm sorry sir I was only going off of circumstantial evidence. But watch out for your friend here." He leaned in close to Boaz and whispered, "he's apparently crazy."


	3. Chapter 3 - Get a job

Boaz stepped back into his small apartment after three days. The floor was carpet and there was a big picture window. Unfortunately there was only three rooms in the apartment - The bedroom, the living room, and the bathroom. He never counted the kitchen because there was no door, only a small barrier in the middle of it and the living room. Boaz was the only one who cooked in the house, as Toljak was either gone or asleep most of the time. Of course he got up whenever he smelled food, and only cooked food. There was a turntable hooked up to some very expensive speakers by the door - it was one of Boaz's hobbies - and a shelf by their room with a myriad of model planes on it. Another one of boaz's hobbies.

Boaz kicked off his shoes and went directly to his side of the bed.

"Hey what are you doing we gotta get food." Toljak said, poking Boaz constantly.

"Leave em the fuck alone I'm going to sleep for twenty years."

"But-"

"You know what asshole get a job and shop for food yourself."

"But-"

"Leave me alone."

Boaz turned on his side towards Toljak's side of the bed and away from Toljak, shielding his face with his arms.

"You know what? Fine. I'm going to get the best job ever and you are going to be so jealous you will quit your job and become my apprentice."

"Whatever man, just go do it."

Toljak moaned in protest and left.

"Finally, Jesus. Quiet again. I don't even know why I li-" Boaz was cut off by the abrupt return of his super fast friend. "I'm back!" Toljak said eagerly, completely dressed in a red and yellow outfit complete with a satchel. "I'm a mailman!"

Boaz yelled as loud as he could.

"What I got a job!"

"How that fast that makes no fucking sense. You were gone for like, a minute."  
"Yeah but I filled out the form really fast and turned it in."

Boaz sat up in his bed, eyes half closed. "Go back and actually apply please."

"But-"

"Now."

Toljak groaned but listened to his friend, and slowly left their apartment again.

Two hours later, and after Boaz had fallen into a deep sleep, Toljak whipped open the front door, knocking over an expensive speaker. "BOAZ GUESS WHAT I GOT THE JOB."

Toljak heard a moan and a thump from his room. "Jak." Boaz said, emerging from the room with his hands over his eyes, "you don't ask someone to guess what and then immediately tell them what."

"Fuck you I'll do whatever I want. Also I didn't get the job."

Boaz removed his hands from his eyes and looked at Toljak, head cocked. "Then why did you come into the apartment waking me up about you got some job at DHL?"

"I never said it was DHL."

Boaz turned around, bed-bound. Toljak stepped forward "Stop!"

"What now?"

"I stole a plane."

Boaz was too tired to fully register what his friend just said. All he knew was that this had something to do with him somehow. "Why did you do that."

"Because I want to see the surface."

Boaz's brain pulled a blank. "Wha- the nightclub on Nroingway? We can like,walk there. I'll get my jacket."

"No, I mean the surface of the Earth." His tone was serious and not wavering and loose as it usually was. "I'm serious this time." Boaz still didn't register. "Boaz, I need you to come with me. You know how to fly right?"  
"Yeah yeah yeah whatever just wake me up when you're leaving okay, I'm gonna go back to bed." Boaz went back into their room and closed the door. Toljak was left alone in the living room, stunned by the agreement to fly _and_ the complete smoothness with which the conversation went. But Boaz was asleep, and Toljak wanted to go now. So he figured he would wait until Boaz fell asleep and then he would drag him into the plane. Besides, he was sure that Boaz would change his mind when he had his coffee, like he always did.


	4. Chapter 4 - What the fuck

Toljak looked down at the unconscious body of his friend, whose head was bleeding. Maybe it would have been a better if he had used some valium or something instead of hitting him over the head with a baseball bat. But, you know what they say, hindsight is twenty twenty. The fence that guarded the airport was very very tall, and was topped off with barbed wire. Toljak decided it would be best if he just went really fast into the gate, so, he tried that. Because his powers are magical in origin, he just bounced off. Man fences are hard. Maybe he could chew through the fence, after all, he was a mouth attached to a mass of fur and bones. He only saw and heard things out of spite for the people who expected the underworld to make sense. He engaged the fence, making the sounds of an angry toddler as he did so. The fence refused to give. Wait! Thats it! Battering ram! But where? He looked around and saw nothing. Nothing but Boaz. Time to throw a living person at a fence. He heaved up his friend and tossed him at the fence. His horns got stuck and his head hung out of Toljak's reach.

"Shit." Toljak was forced to scale the fence. He grabbed Boaz's right leg and heaved himself up, only for Boaz's horns to become undone from the fence, causing Toljak to fall. His friend fell on top of him, worryingly still unconscious. Toljak inspected him to make sure he was okay, which he wasn't. His head was bent at a grotesque angle and so was his left leg. The horn that was caught in the fence was cracked about halfway through, and there was a massive bump growing where Toljak had hit him. He checked his breathing - unsteady. And his heartbeat - slow but still pumping. He slung him over his shoulder and gave up. There was no way he was going to get over a barbed wire fence without protection. Protection. Boaz. "I can use Boaz as like a slipmat." He said out loud for a reason that only god knew. He then heaved Boaz again, only higher and harder. His limp body achieved desired height and drooped over the barbed wire, clearing a path for Toljak to go over. Toljak, after recovering from that feat, placed his hand in between the wires of the fence, and struggled to pull himself up. He put his foot in, then the other, and climbed the fence until he was at Boaz, who was leaking a lot of fluid. He treaded on Boaz, wincing, but wanting to get to the other side of the fence. His hands grasped the other side of the fence, and he swung his legs over his head. His fingers lost hold and let go of the wire, causing Toljak to impact the ground with his head, thus knocking him out.

When Boaz came to, he was lying on a hot, asphalt road. He heard the low rumble of jet engines, and felt he was in a pool of cold blood. "What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck." He repeated as he put his hand on the ground to help him up onto his feet. "What the fuck." He said again, looking at the huge airport in front of him. A glass building seemed to be where the terminals were, and a few hangers hung out around the left of him. On the right there were the runways. It was then that Boaz realized what his friend had been trying to tell him earlier. He wasn't sure why he was so on it right now, nor how long ago he went to bed. But now he knew it was night, and he knew that- oh. oh god what the fuck happened to Toljak. "What, the, fuck." A jet roared overhead.


End file.
